Lupus Never Looked So Good

I apologize in advance, as this post will not be particularly informative or clever or probably interesting.  It’s just a rant.

It was one of those days today.  One of those days where symptoms popped up one after the other and just tore apart my day.  I woke up with a sore throat, then a few hours later all my joints swelled and began to ache.  I drank some Airborne, took my vitamins, and stretched for a while, thinking that since I had plenty of time before work, maybe…just maybe I could beat this.  

As I’m eating lunch a bit later I notice through a chip in my nail polish that my nail beds are dark blue.  

“Well, shit.”  That’s pretty much the nail in the coffin.  From there it got worse.  I went to work, and consistently tried to do that silly thing where you open and close your hands a bunch to increase circulation, tried to stretch at my desk as much as possible, tried taking ibuprofen.  The pain steadily increased, and fevers popped by to say hello.  

Oh, did I not mention the period cramps as well?  Right, tack those on for good measure.  

The Chronic joint pain is by far the worst though.  It is because even when it is less severe, it is unrelenting.  It doesn’t pulse or sting or come and go.  It just becomes a part of you.  And I lasted all day at work, smiling, greeting people, engaging in polite conversation with coworkers, being sickeningly charismatic.  But all the while all I can think about is how awful I feel, and it never stops not even for a moment.  My extremities are freezing, my insides are boiling, my knees are locked and a constant stream of high-pitched pain is echoing through my entire body.  

Then I get in the car to head home on my 40 minute long trip. Finally, fucking finally I get to do what I wanted to do all day, what I longed for all day.  I get to lay down on my bed.  And I do.  And do you know what happens then?  I remember that my bed isn’t even remotely comfortable, and that I have lost absolutely no degree of pain from before I lay down.  

That’s finally when the tears start coming up.  But I’m not crying, not in the usual way.  My face isn’t contorted and I’m not hyperventilating.  Just uncontrollable tears that slowly drip out of the corners of my eyes.  

Those are frustrated tears.  Those are fucking Lupus tears.

andfakethewayiholdyou:

pajama-sam:

c-u-m-b-e-r-b-a-t-c-h:

please-callmejamfucker:

supersonicsonarradar:

jamcuffed:

hopskin:

katsplanet:

elcolfer:

The Computer Programmer

The Maintenance Supervisor 

oh

The Artist

cool

The Psychiatrist 

The Contractor 

oooooohh

The Landscaper

Hm. Or, The Farmer. I think I probably prefer The Landscaper.

The Editor

OH SNAP MY DAD’S A TIME LORD ASSASSIN

The Firefighter

sounds good

The Architect or The Judge 

I like them both

I am THE CONTROLLER.  /Thread.

I just read a really disturbing bit of nonsense during a google search for Lupus news (I refuse to link to retarded bullshit) but basically, the nonsense in question was a girl asking if it was safe to take birth control if you have Lupus.  The answer was that “it doesn’t cause flare-ups, so it’s safe”.  

Ok.  It’s true, the birth control pill does not cause flare-ups.  But that does not just write it off as completely safe.  As Lupus patients, many of us are at a higher risk for blood clots than the average person.  One of the major side effects of most birth control pills is that it increases your chances of developing blood clots.  It’s a case of 1 + 1 = 2.  There is an increased risk when you go on birth control.  

However, this doesn’t mean you can’t take birth control if you have lupus!  Just like with anything else in most of our Lupus-filled lives, talk to a doctor about which one to take, and ask what else you can do to reduce your risk for clotting.  

P.S. In the same token, if you smoke, STOP IT.

P.P.S.  In this post, every time I wrote the word “Birth” in “Birth Control”, I wrote out “Birthday” and then backspaced the “day”.  I also did it twice while writing this post script.  Not on purpose.